Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Ask Aniya! #10

"My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately over the littlest/stupidest things so now I'm scared he wants to break up with me. Is there any way I can end the constant conflicts?" - Crazed (R.S., Freshman)

Being defensive or arguing back is a choice, not a compulsion. If you truly feel like they are pointless matters to be arguing over, then don't let them grow into big ones. If you see that the way you have usually been responding leads to more conflicts, then maybe try responding differently, in a less, potentially aggressive manner. Don't let your ego keep you from apologizing when you know you did something wrong. At the same time, don't let your ego demand apologies from him whenever HE does something wrong. Let it all happen naturally. However, if you see that HE is the reason for the constant fighting and nothing seems to change no matter how hard YOU try to stay calm, then maybe you guys aren't as compatible as you had originally thought.

Ask Aniya! #9

"My girlfriend and I go to different colleges across the United States. We still manage to talk and video chat everyday but all my friends keeps telling us that long distance never works and that we should break up. I really love her but I'm scared my friends might be right. What do I do?" - Stressed to the max (W.N., Junior)

It is your life, not your friends' so they don't know what you're going through. It's easy for them to tell you to break up with her because they are not in position. With that said, you have to realize on your own how strong your love for her is and how much you trust her. If you are happy with how things are going right now and know that once college is over, you guys will be together again (proximity wise), then there is no need to break up. However, even after college is over,  if you guys will still be living far away from each other, then maybe breaking up is necessary because long distance relationships have a history of failing, especially if the relative distance is closer to being permanent than temporary.

Ask Aniya! #8

"My boyfriend and I have been dating for just a few months now, but I feel like I like him more than he likes me because I was the one who originally pursued him. How do I find out of this is true?" - Worried (E.Z., Senior).

If he's still in the relationship with you and seems happy, then don't over think things and stress about who likes who more. Even if you did find out that you like him more than he likes you, how would that change your relationship? Would you break up with him? No. Everyone expresses their feelings in different ways. Just because he doesn't show how much he cares as often as you do does not mean that he cares for you any less. Don't make things more complicated than it needs to be.

Ask Aniya! #7

"My best friend just got a new boyfriend and now it seems like she barely has any time for me anymore. What can I do about it? Do I just move on?" - Over it (S.S., Sophomore)

People often become over-infatuated and over-excited at the beginning of new relationships. If she is a true friend, she will get over this phase in a few weeks or month. However, if it seems to continue, then definitely confront her about it. Make sure to avoid attack-like comments or you'll come off as obsessive, which is a bit creepy. Just say something along the lines of how you miss her since you haven't seen her around in a while and then make plans to hang out soon. If she still says she's busy and is unwilling to make any time for you, then she really needs to get her priorities straight.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Ask Aniya! #6

"My friend wants to date my ex-boyfriend. I am definitely 100% over him but I still just don't want them to date because I can't see him with another girl. Am I over reacting?" - Confused (C.S., Junior)

If you are still uncomfortable seeing him with other people, then you are definitely not 100% over him yet and your somewhat jealous-like feelings would be justified. However, if you genuinely believe that you have no feelings for him left whatsoever, then him dating again should have no effect on you. If they were meant to be, do you really want to stand in the middle of true love? He is no longer "yours to claim". He is going to find love again someday, whether it be your friend or someone else, so if you're "100% over him", prove it. Let him go.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ask Aniya! #5

“I’ve been  going on multiple dates with this guy for over a month now, and it seems like he really cares about me because he always texts me first everyday and takes me out every weekend. However, we are not together. We are dating, but he’s not officially my boyfriend (yet). Then, I found out he kissed another girl when he was drunk last night. Is that considered cheating? We’re not even ‘together’ though technically so I am unsure whether or not I have a right to be mad.What do I do?” - Scared (J.G., Junior)

You have every right to be mad! It sounds like you guys are practically together so that’s completely unfair for him to be leading you on if he’s not even planning on being faithful. If he really cares about you, he would be proving it to you- not making you doubt the relationship! This guy is a player. He’s one of those dangerous, “charming” types that girls have to beware because they always have hidden agendas. Leave him. He’s not worth it. If he really feels bad about hat he did, let him prove it to you. Let him suffer a little bit as punishment. Do not let him off the hook so easily, otherwise he might take advantage of your niceness in the future. The sea is full of fresh fish. Stop going back to the half eaten ones.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Ask Aniya! #4

"My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and now he wants to get back with me. I was so hurt after it happened, I don't know what I want. What do I do?" - Concerned (J.G., Sophomore)

You are not a puppet who will do whatever he wants you to do. He broke up with you. You accepted it. Now he wants to get back with you. Does that mean you're doing to accept that too? No. If he sees that you are always giving into whatever he wants, then who's to say he won't continue to make rash decisions in the future? The person with the most power in the relationship is the person who cares the least. By going along with everything he's saying, it makes it seem like you're the person in the relationship who cares the most, since you're willing to do whatever he wants to stay on good terms with him. Have some pride.

Ask Aniya! #3

"This past weekend, I hooked up with my best friend and now things are extremely awkward between us. He barely even talks to me anymore and it seems like he thought it was a mistake. What can I do to fix this?" - Worried (A.A., Freshman)

Don't freak out. His reaction is completely normal. He is either a little worried that you won't want to be just friends anymore, that you like him now, or that you think that he likes you now. In all of those cases, your relationship is bound to change. Give each other some space so you can both take some time to calm down and figure out what you both want. When you feel like enough time has passed, try contacting him again and see how things go. Find out if he still just wants to stay friends or if he sees you differently now. In the mean time, don't stress about if he will ever talk to you again or not. If he really thinks of you as a good friend, he will not give you up so easily over a single incident that may or may not have meant anything.

Ask Aniya! #2!

"My boyfriend hasn't had the best of relationships in the past so now I feel like he is taking it out on me. Is there anything I can do?" - Annoyed (B.H., Junior)

This is similar to the thought process that children have with divorced parents - they may believe that love doesn't exist just because their parents broke up. Likewise, it seems like your boyfriend may be having trust issues now because his girlfriends in the past may not have been trustworthy. If you truly love him and want to help him get over this mentality that no girl is trustworthy, you are honestly going to have to sit down and confront him about this situation. Even if he seems hesitant, the fact that you're even willing to have this discussion with him in the first place to clear the air will show him that you really do care about him and your guys' relationship. The rest is up to him and his willingness to understand and let go of his past.